They say hope is the one that you could hold onto. The one that will give you strength and the one who could open up many possibilities. But why is I find out that hope is the one who’s killing me? The one who torn my heart into pieces?
Hopes. It says that hopes begin in the dark. But what about if this hope is related to a thing called “love”? She always thought and hope every moments that she felt really special with him could open up the opportunity of them being more than just a friend. She didn’t want to rush anything. So she just wait. Waiting for his heart could feel the same sparks and electricity that’s been running through hers every time she got close to him. And she had really high hopes of how things could grow. She always open up to the idea of “what if” even though his heart already belongs to someone else.
But after waiting for a long time, she found out that he will always treat her like a best friend. In the beginning, it was her heart’s fault for being so foolish to fall for him. And it was that hopes that finally screw her over. It’s just like a light in her heart had been turn off so suddenly that she couldn’t bear the shock and pain she felt. It’s really hurt watching him with somebody else. Her vulnerable heart felt like scattered into million pieces. She felt suffocated and fooled. How could she be so blind and not just gave up when know from the first place that his heart already belong to someone else’s?
And now she questioned herself, why would she let him enter her life? Why would she let him treated her with so much affection even though he’s not hers? Why would her vulnerable hearts just give in and fall for him? And how could she let him to left her broken, bruised, and out of breath over and over again? It’s because she still love him and she is willing to take all the pains in the name of love. But now she can’t bear it anymore. She just want to pretend that none of this mattered and try to go on with her life and never revealed her feelings to him as inside of her she prays and hopes that the feelings will fade together with the hopes that already dead.