Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It’s not like what people in the movies or in the books said. It’s so far from what you imagined it would be. It gives you that kind of pain that rips your heart and soul apart.
When she was a little girl, she dreamed of her prince charming that will be the one who give her happily ever after. She always thought that love is an easy thing, and once you’re in love with someone, that person will only brings you happiness and never sadness. Like a candy, a food that always succeed in easing her pains away. It always tasted sweet and could make her happy. That’s what she thought when she was so naive and young and really excited for falling in love.
But soon, when she was a teenage girl and started to fall in love with her own best friend, she discovered that it didn’t taste like candy. It taste bitter. Like a medicine that she always avoid to drink when she was a little girl and she was forced to take it for her body to be able to heal. But the difference this time, the bitterness didn’t take her sickness and pain away, but it made her vulnerable heart shattered into pieces. It felt like a glass has been broken and it’ll be hard to compose it again. She felt suffocated, out of breath, broken, and bruised.
But the worst part is, she had to watched him shared his happiness with the girl that’s not herself. She put on her best smile and she created a hole inside herself to dig up all her feelings so it wouldn’t burst and explode. Just watched him smile is enough for her. If happiness is her, she is trying her best to be happy for him too. But it is so hard to delete her feelings away because he’s always around her. Making her heart unstable and more tortured. He did all the things that made her heart fluttered. He did her hair and comb her hair and he showed that he cared so much about her. Her heart feel flattered and butterfly started kicking in her stomach. But at the same time, pain started to creep into her heart because knowing that his heart is not hers. She will never be that girl and he will never be the person she could have. It really feels that he was so close yet so far from her.
He’ll never know how much he meant for her. He’ll never know how hard it was for her to hide her feelings. He’ll never know how she was so damned curious what is the meaning of that never ending eye contact. He’ll never know all of these things because she keep it all well and she endures the pain by herself knowing that he will never see her nothing more than just a friend.
She wished she’d never met him. Then she won’t felt miserable, out of breath, and broken and bruised. She won’t wasting her time for crying for hours for that boy. He won’t left a mark on her heart that became a bruise that sometimes too hard for her to bear. She won’t listening to sad song and fill her head up with thinking of the probabilities she might stand a tiny chance to be with him. And so, because of that she decided to close her heart. For she’s been too long in a one sided love. She locked her heart and built up a wall and hoping she will never be hurt anymore. Because she has been fooled, hurt, and that hurt feeling won’t go away in a long time just because of love.